


Navigation

by lechaton17



Series: Imperfection [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Angst, Feels, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Mental Illness, Multi, Sequel, Set in Seattle, paladin family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 20:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17835638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lechaton17/pseuds/lechaton17
Summary: Sequel to Imperfection.In the weeks following his surgery, Keith is finding himself being consumed by his old fears and doubts. Frustrating with his health and the stress he causes those he cares for, Keith wants to disappear again.Shiro and the rest of the paladins are not willing to let that happen.





	Navigation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends,
> 
> I've been wanting to write a follow up for Imperfection for a while, and finally got around to it. If you haven't read imperfection, this story won't make much sense to you, haha. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. It will probably only be 2-3 chapters <3

Keith opened his eyes, the familiar sound of rain hitting the window his good morning greeting. 

 

He groaned tiredly, rolling over onto his back. Shiro is already gone, though it doesn’t come as a surprise to Keith. The new semester had started at the university, and Shiro had early morning classes. Most days Keith woke up with Shiro already gone, and although he knew Shiro had to work, it always left him with a pang of loneliness. He never even woke up when Shiro was up getting ready, and so most days he didn’t even get to say goodbye before Shiro left. 

 

Keith grabbed his phone and looked at the time. It was already after ten A.M. He lay in bed for a few more minutes, too tired to get up yet, and scrolled through his phone. Since Allura, Lance, Pidge and Hunk had all moved to Seattle, things had changed a lot. There was suddenly always someone who wanted to come over and hang out, or go somewhere, and someone was always checking in on him. It was weird, following the five years that Keith had spent alone in the city. He’d gone from being alone and just waiting for it all to end, to having a second chance and a family. 

 

It was a good thing, but it was hard for him to believe sometimes, even now. He’d gotten so used to being alone, that sometimes the love and support was a little overwhelming for him. He appreciated it; he’d even admit to liking it. It was just a lot to take in. 

 

A message from Shiro.  _ Good morning. I left you some pastries in the kitchen. _

 

A message from Lance.  _ Hey I’m off today if you want to hang out and watch TV or whatever. _

 

Keith sighed and closed his eyes. Shiro still hated leaving Keith alone when he was at work, so most days one of their friends would find a reason to stop by and check on him. It always ended up making Keith feel guilty, because he knew that a lot of the time they went out of their way to do so. He was doing well following his surgery that removed his tumor, or at least, that’s what his doctors told him. He still struggled with his speech. He still got headaches and dizzy spells. He had trouble remembering things. He’d had seizures. And all these things kept Shiro in an almost permanently worried state, meaning Keith was also constantly guilt-ridden. He hated seeing the worry in Shiro’s eyes. 

 

The door pushed open and Keith heard the familiar sound of a collar jingling. Keith couldn’t help but to smile, and he finally opened his eyes and sat up in bed. Scruffy the puppy had gotten a little bigger since they’d gotten him, but he was still quite small, not yet big enough to jump onto the bed. He wagged his tail excitedly at the sight of Keith awake, putting his two front paws on the side of the bed. 

 

“All right, I’ll get u-up,” Keith sighed, knowing that Scruffy would want to go out. Keith looked forward to the times he took Scruffy outside, even in the cold rain. He didn’t get out much these days, so those moments outside were refreshing. As much as the auto shop had just really been busy work and a way to make money, Keith did miss the distraction of working. At least he’d been able to take care of himself. Now he felt like everyone was always taking care of him. Having Scruffy helped though. Scruffy needed Keith. And Keith needed to be reminded that he as needed. 

 

Keith swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. He immediately felt off balanced and stumbled, catching himself on the wall. His breath caught in his throat and he stood there like that, waiting for the room to stop spinning. Eventually it did, though he still felt weak. He’d just have to push through it. He needed to get better, and Scruffy needed to go outside. It was just a dizzy spell is all, and he was fine. 

 

He told himself he was fine a lot. 

* * *

 

 

Shiro watched the rain fall outside his office window, sipping his coffee that was already cold. His thoughts were travelling to Keith, as the often did when they were apart. Keith hadn’t texted him at all yet today, which wasn’t necessarily out of the ordinary. Sometimes Keith slept late, or sometimes he just forgot. But Shiro couldn’t help but to start worrying. What if something had happened? What if Keith was sick, or hurt- he could have had a seizure or fallen-

 

A knock on his office door, awakening him from his thoughts. “Come in,” he said, sitting his cold coffee down. One of his students entered, looking nervous, paper in hand. 

 

“Here’s that assignment,” she said, handing it to him. “Thank you again for allowing me to turn it in like this.”

 

“Just don’t make it a habit,” Shiro replied, and the she nodded. 

 

“Thank you again,” she said quickly, and turned and left, shutting the door behind her. Shiro smiled to himself. He wasn’t sure why some students seemed so intimidated by him; maybe it was the robot arm. He set her paper in with the rest of her classmates on his desk and returned to looking out the window. 

 

He should be using this time to work, but he was too distracted. He worked better at home when he was with Keith and knew he was okay. And for some reason he just had a bad feeling today. Keith always fussed that he worried too much, and Shiro knew that Keith hated when Shiro asked the others to check up on him. But he’d rather check in on him and he be okay that not check in on him and something happen. Shiro pulled out his phone and sent a message to Lance, asking him if he was going to head over at all today. Lance and Allura lived closest to them, so it was often one of them who’d stop by and check in on things. If Shiro’s classes weren’t close  together, he would go himself. 

 

Lance returned his message quickly.  _ He hasn’t gotten back to me yet, but I can stop by. I’m just out running a couple errands and then I’ll go over. _

 

Shiro breathed a little easier. His next class was starting soon, and he needed to get ready. He tried to push his worries to the back of his mind, but it was a lot easier said than done. 

 

He had already lost Keith once, and had almost lost him again. Shiro was terrified of losing him again. He wasn’t sure that he would be able to handle it. 

* * *

 

 

Rain fell continuously these days, but Keith didn’t really mind. He welcomed the cold rain on his face, helping him feel a little bit more alert. He felt oddly disconnected as he waited for Scruffy to use the bathroom, and he desperately was trying to push through it. The way he was feeling reminded him of how he felt before a seizure came- and he definitely did not want that to happen. If he could just keep himself grounded and push through it, maybe he’d be okay. Maybe the water on his face would help. He wasn’t sure, but he was desperate. 

 

Finally Scruffy seemed satisfied and they headed back inside. Keith found himself digging his nails into the palms of his hands, trying to control his breathing. Scruffy looked up at him questioningly. “I-I’m fine,” Keith told the dog and also himself as they got off the elevator and headed back towards the apartment. By the time Keith closed the door behind him and took Scruffy’s leash off, the room was spinning. 

 

He should message Shiro. But he shouldn’t because then Shiro would be worried. But if this ended up being a bad seizure he would need to call someone. What if he was just overreacting?

 

He tried to make it to the couch to lie down, his phone in his hand, but he collapsed before he made it. 

 

* * *

 

 

Lance pulled up in front of Shiro and Keith’s apartment building, pulling out his phone. Keith had never replied to his earlier message, but Lance sent him another anyway letting him know he was there and would be coming up. He even sat in the car and waited a couple extra minutes to give Keith time to respond, but nothing. Lance sighed. It might be one of those days where Keith wasn’t really up for peopling. Lance couldn’t blame him; if he’d recently had his head cut open he was sure he’d want to be alone sometimes too. 

 

But Shiro was worried, and Lance had to admit that he worried, too. He was all for Keith having his independance and not needing someone with him twenty four seven, but it was a pretty scary thing when Keith was still recovering. They just wanted Keith to be okay. That’s why Lance and the others didn’t mind checking in on Keith. 

 

It was nice, being back together with the old team. At first it had seemed like a crazy idea, to just pack up their lives and move to Seattle. But it honestly had been amazing. 

 

Allura was definitely happier here than she had been at the Garrison. She was in love with Seattle, all the stores and restaurants and things to do. She’d even started working part time at a coffee shop near their place. Lance thought she was crazy- she was an Altean Princess after all- but yet Allura was quite happy and amazed by something as simple as making a latte. And seeing Allura happy made Lance happy, as well. And she always brought him free coffee home, so that was a plus.

 

Being back together with everyone, Shiro and Keith especially, made them really feel like a family again. It was like five years had never gone by. Keith had never left. They were different and they were older, and yet they were still the same, too. Lance felt like he belonged with them in a way he hadn’t really ever felt before.   

 

His mind was travelling, thinking about Voltron and everything that had happened, and suddenly Lance was in front of the apartment door without really realizing it. He knocked, waiting for Keith to answer. It was possible that Keith was asleep, and Lance had a key, but he wanted to at least give Keith the chance to open up before he went barging in. There was still no reply on his phone, and Lance couldn’t hear any movement on the other side of the door. He finally sighed and pulled out the key Shiro had given him, and unlocked the door, pushing it open. 

 

“Keith,” he called out, and was immediately greeted by Scruffy the dog. “Hi, hi,” he said to the little dog, bending down and patting his head. “Where’s Keith at?”

 

As if to answer him, Scruffy ran away. Lance’s eyes followed him to a shape on the ground that took his brain a minute to recognize was Keith laying on the floor. 

 

“Keith!” Lance gasped, dropping his phone in surprise, and scrambled over to Keith. Lance rolled him onto his side, and Keith groaned. “Keith?” Lance said again, his heart racing. “Can you hear me?”

 

Keith opened his eyes blearily. He groaned again and closed his eyes. “Are you okay?” Lance asked, which seemed like a stupid question. “What happened?”

 

“ ‘m fine,” Keith mumbled, though he was terribly pale and had obviously collapsed on the floor. 

 

“Fine, sure,” Lance said. “What happened?”

 

“Just…tired,” Keith mumbled. 

 

Lance sighed. “I think you are more than tired. Can you stand up?”

 

Keith was pretty weak, but Lance managed to help him up and get him onto the couch at least. Keith sank into the cushions, a little color returning to his face, though he was still pretty pale. 

 

“I’m o-okay,” Keith said, his voice a little stronger. “I just....I think i-it was a s-seizure.”

 

Lance’s heart dropped. He knew Keith had had a couple seizures since the surgery, but he hadn’t been around for one. Keith had been doing better since they’d started him on some medication, but apparently it didn’t stop the problem.  

 

“I just n-need to rest,” Keith told him, because apparently Lance looked too worried for his liking. Lance knew that there wasn’t much they could do, and at least Keith was talking and responsive. He’d just have to sit here with him and keep an eye on him. 

 

“Okay,” Lance sighed at last. “Try to rest then. But I’m staying here with you.” 

 

Keith nodded, his eyes closed. Lance took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. It was a good thing that Shiro asked him to stop by. Lance hated to think of Keith laying there on the floor like that for however long. 

 

Once Keith was looking a bit better and seemed to fall asleep, Lance stood up and finally picked his phone up off the floor. His screen was cracked. That made today so much better.  

 

* * *

 

 

Keith felt incredibly drained and was in and out of it for a while. Lance let him be, which Keith was grateful for, because he really didn’t feel like talking. He was embarrassed that Lance had to find him like that, but he was also thankful that Lance was there. He’d been alone for so long, and he’d been okay with that. He’d  _ had _ to be okay with it. But there was something comforting about the presence of another person, especially someone he trusted, and especially when he felt so vulnerable. 

 

He didn’t want to be alone. 

 

He just didn’t want to be a burden, either. 

 

When Keith finally woke up, Scruffy was curled up on the couch with him, and the apartment smelled like coffee. He felt a little better after resting. He pushed himself into a sitting position, and his head only spun for a moment before the room settled. 

 

“You’re awake,” Lance said, looking relieved. He was sitting at the breakfast bar, drinking coffee and eating one of the pastries Shiro had left out. “Feeling any better?”

 

“Yeah,” Keith said, his voice a little rough. “Uh….sorry.”

 

Lance snorted. “You don’t need to apologize for having a seizure.”

 

Keith sighed but didn’t respond. Lance stood up. “You want some water or something?”

 

“Sure,” Keith replied. Lance filled a glass for him as Keith petted Scruffy’s head. Scruffy was looking up at Keith almost worriedly. Keith hated to think that even the dog worried about him. 

 

“Here you go,” Lance said, handing him the glass. “Shiro’s on his way home now.”

 

Keith choked on the water. “D-did you t-tell him?”

 

“Uh….yeah?” Lance said uncertainly. “You collapsed, Keith. I’m not going to keep that a secret from Shiro.”

 

Keith groaned and leaned back into the couch defeatedly. Part of him had been hoping that Shiro wouldn’t have to find out. Shiro already worried so much. It was probably still quite early in the day too-Keith hadn’t seen the time- meaning that Shiro had probably cancelled at least one of his classes to come home and check on Keith. Keith was worried that if Shiro kept leaving work to check on him that the university would kick him out. They knew about Keith and what had happened, but still- Shiro couldn’t just keep leaving his job. And Keith couldn’t work anymore, so Shiro’s income was all they had, and they already had a lot of bills thanks to Keith’s tumor, and-

 

The door to the apartment swung open, revealing a very distressed looking Shiro. His eyes traveled the room until he saw Keith, sitting on the couch. He dropped his bag and closed the door, crossing the room in large strides. 

 

“I’m okay,” Keith said at once, before Shiro could get a word out. 

 

“You had a seizure?” Shiro asked, sitting down on the couch next to him. He pushed Keith’s hair out of his face, studying him. Shiro’s touch was comforting, and all Keith wanted was to lean back into Shiro and have him hold him. But Keith was also determined to act as fine as possible. 

 

“It wasn’t that bad,” Keith said, unable to look at Shiro. 

 

“You’re still pale,” Shiro noted. “And you collapsed on the floor. You could have hit your head or….” Shiro sighed heavily. “Are you hurt anywhere?”

 

Keith’s shoulder did ache from falling, but he shook his head. “Do you think you can eat? I can get you whatever.”

 

Keith just shook his head again. “Hey,” Shiro said softly, and he pulled Keith into his arms. Shiro’s hugs always grounded Keith. And yet for some reason, it just made Keith feel worse. He was so tired of being unwell all the time. He was tired of Shiro having to skip out on work. He was tired of the others having to check in on him all the time. He’d had this surgery so thing could be better, so that he and Shiro could have a life together. But what sort of life was this? What sort of life was he giving Shiro when Shiro was in a constant state of worry? 

 

Keith felt like this surgery had made his life worse instead of better. Sure he was alive, but he was still sick. They had a ton of bills. Even after weeks, Keith was still struggling. Things weren’t getting easier. He was just causing more and more pain for Shiro, as well as the others. It was just like things had been before he had left. Keith was always the burden. 

 

“I’m tired, Shiro,” Keith said, and although it hurt him to do so, he pushed Shiro away. A look of hurt passed Shiro’s face, and although he recovered quickly, Keith had still seen it. And he hated it. 

 

“Okay,” Shiro replied. “Get some rest then. I’ll be here if you need me.”

 

Keith pulled the blanket up over his shoulders as an answer. Shiro sighed and stood up. He went to the kitchen and talked to Lance, though Keith only half listened. The familiar darkness was crushing him. It had chased him all his life, and he’d desperately tried to flee it. The feeling of being a burden. Feeling worthless. Not good enough. Like he was dragging everyone down. It had caused him to run away from his family five years ago. It had told him to go ahead and let the brain tumor kill him instead of fight it. 

 

But then Shiro came. Shiro came, and everything changed. Shiro came and Keith had wanted to live again. 

 

But this wasn’t the life he had wanted. He had wanted the perfectly normal life Shiro had told him about on the balcony all those weeks ago. 

 

The life that Shiro deserved. A happy life. An easy life. Shiro had been through enough. He didn’t deserve to be put through anything more. Keith loved him too much to hurt him like this. 

 

He drowned in the thoughts until sleep took him again. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Allura and I will stop by tomorrow,” Lance said as Shiro saw him out. “She’s worried about him. I let Hunk and Pidge know as well, so maybe, if he’s feeling up to it, we can all have pizza and watch movies or something.”

 

“That sounds nice,” Shiro told him, though he had a feeling Keith wouldn’t be up for it. 

 

“Shiro….” Lance turned as he stood out in the hallway outside the apartment. He had a worried look on his face. “There was something about the way he’s been acting lately, and especially today, that makes me worry. It reminds me of how he was….before.”

 

Shiro’s heart hammered uncomfortably. He’d been trying to push the thought from his mind, telling himself that Keith was just tired, that he just didn’t feel good. But Shiro had seen it, too. Keith had started pulling away from him, and not just his hugs. He’d been quieter. Lost in his thoughts a lot. He shrugged away from Shiro’s touch. 

 

And it scared Shiro. 

 

“I know,” Shiro said, his voice a whisper. 

 

Lance smiled sadly and patted his shoulder. “We’ll just have to remind him that we’re all here, and we love him. We’ll help him through this, okay?”

 

Shiro nodded. “Of course.” But in his heart, he was still afraid. 

 

_ He couldn’t lose Keith again.  _

 

“Thank you for hanging out here,” Shiro told Lance. 

 

“No problem,” Lance said. “I’ll message you tomorrow and we’ll figure something out.”

 

“Okay,” Shiro replied with a forced smile. “Bye.”

 

“Bye,” Lance said, and Shiro closed the door. Keith was still asleep on the couch, or at least pretending to be asleep, so Shiro picked up his abandoned briefcase and decided to work on grading papers. 

 

He sat himself up at the breakfast bar, refilling his coffee. He tried to focus on reading his students’ papers, but the weight of everything that had happened today, and in the past few weeks, left him distracted and exhausted. He put his head down on the counter, willing to have some sort of break. If things could just get easier. If Keith could start feeling better. If Shiro could be better at helping him. Something. 

 

Shiro was tired of being afraid. 

* * *

 

 

Keith woke up, confused for a moment as to why he was laying on the couch. He looked around and saw Shiro fast asleep at the breakfast far, using an essay as a pillow, and remembered. The seizure. Shiro coming home early. Keith pulling away from him. 

 

It didn’t take much to set the thoughts in his head off. He should tell Shiro. Even though Shiro was right there, and Keith just needed to say something to him, he couldn’t find the words to speak. What could he say when his thoughts were telling him that he was selfish for being with Shiro? Selfish for wanting Shiro’s love and understanding? Selfish for wanting Shiro to help him?

 

He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t take the thoughts. He couldn’t take the idea of hurting Shiro. It was obvious Shiro was exhausted if he fell asleep at the counter like that. He’d been exhausted every day, and he barely slept. This was dragging Shiro down, and Shiro didn’t deserve that.  

 

Keith didn’t think. He slipped on a pair of shoes. He didn’t have his phone or his keys, but it didn’t matter. He just needed to go. He needed to get away. 

 

He slipped out the door as quietly as he could and ran. 

 


End file.
